Things You Aren't Allowed to Do In InuYasha
by bulletproof trucker hats
Summary: A list of things that I would totally do if I live in the InuYasha universe...Things I shouldn't do, but I would because the results would be hilarious.


_**Message from Goth Lolita!**_

_I actually lost the first draft of this. I put it in a textbook that I was supposed to return, and I forgot it was there, so…Well, now, the next person in that history class has something interesting to read._

_**NOW…**_

_**Things You Should Never, EVER Do In InuYasha**_

1) Lock Kikyo and Kagome in the same room. Just don't do it. The results will not be pretty.

2) Steal Naraku's baboon pelt, Kanna's mirror, and Kagura's fan.

2a) Use them as Halloween costumes.

3) Use Shikon shards as a substitute for glass in Stained glass classes.

3a) And then watch your project destroy the classroom. (OH MY GOD!!! EVIL JEWLERY BOX!!! AAAAHHHHHH!!!!!)

4) Put Koga's shards in _your _legs.

4a) Race him.

4b) Proceed to yell back at him, "My _grandma_ can run faster than _that_!"

4c) Put jewel shards in you grandma's legs.

5) Pierce Mimisenri's ears. Yes, I realize they are pierced already, but this is not the point.

6) Give baby Hakudoshi a pacifier.

7) Run after InuYasha screaming "Oh my f***ing God, it's SANTA!!!"

8) Switch Tenseiga and Tetsusaiga.

9) Steal Tenseiga.

9a) Randomly resurrect dead people.

9b) After all, that's _Naraku's_ job.

10) Tell Kagome to 'get _over_ her freaking teenage hormones' already.

11) Call Sesshomaru a 'girly-looking, sadistic iceberg'.

11a) Run like _hell_.

12) Use the Peach-Man's powers to shrink people.

12a) And EAT them…just kidding…or AM I?

13) Point Tokijin at people, and watch them explode.

14) Give Shippo _anything_ with sugar or caffeine contained in it.

15) Introduce Rin to Barbie.

16) Stick a 'Kick-Me' sign on Naraku's back.

17) Use the complete Shikon no Tama as a shooter in a game of marbles.

18) Look at Sango and Miroku.

18a) When they're having a _moment_.

18b) Loudly, and obnoxiously say "KISS ALREADY!"

18c) This goes double for Kagome and InuYasha.

19) Giggle loudly whenever Naraku wants to say something evil and impressive, or when he tries to brag about his master plan of doom-ness.

20) Grab Jaken's Staff of Two Heads.

20a) When he tries to pull it back, let go suddenly.

20b) Ask 'Why are you hitting yourself', and laugh insanely.

21) Seal the well. This is not to be done under any circumstances. _ANY_ circumstances, you hear me InuYasha?!?

22) Every time Kikyo says something about dying for InuYasha- which she seems to do. A LOT.- say 'And how do you _feel_ about that?' in a slow, patronizing tone. Does everyone get the 'Freaky Friday' reference? Good.

23) Call Kagome 'Kikyo', or 'wench' or anything, really. As long as it's not her actual name.

23a) Keep doing it, no matter how many times she attempts to correct you.

24) Say that Naraku was created because Onigumo loved _Kikyo_, so why doesn't _Kikyo_ just go, and give Naraku a goddamned _hug_ or something?

25) Bring So'unga and Tokijin in to contact…MWAHAHAHAHA.

26) Call Bankotsu's halberd a 'sword on steroids'.

26a) They probably didn't know what steroids _were_ back then, so he probably won't understand that you're insulting his 'partner', but you should RUN LIKE HELL.

27) Tell InuYasha that Kagome is leaving him for Sesshomaru.

28) Screw up the timeline, so that Kagome was never born.\

29) Tell Hojo that Kagome loves him with a burning passion, and wants to elope. RIGHT AWAY.

29a) This can be used for either Hojo, but I find it funnier with Akitoki Hojo.

30) Call the Poison Control Center on Mukotsu.

31) Tell Ayame that it was actually _InuYasha_ that saved her all those years ago, not Koga, so she has to marry _him_.

32) Tell Rin that Sesshomaru only saved her because he doesn't like eating dead meat.

33) Give Kanna the T.V. therapist speech, about how it's alright to show emotions sometimes.

34) Tell Jakotsu that InuYasha's ears aren't real.

34a) Give Jakotsu a headband with ears on it.

34b) Say, "I _told _you so."

35) Run up to Suikotsu covered in red paint.

36) Send Ginkotsu through airport security.

37) Put a cat bell on Kirara.

38) Strongly suggest that Dark Priestess Tsubaki gets a face lift.

39) Mention the word 'pyromaniac' in hearing range of Renkotsu.

40) Ask why everyone in the Band of Seven has those weird facial tattoos.

41) Offer Naraku a banana.

41a) Even if he's _not_ in the baboon suit.

42) Tell Sesshomaru that you know a guy that makes swords that can kick Tetsusaiga's _ass_.

42a) Then, refuse to tell him who, until he asks you _nicely_.

42b) Because that will _never _happen.

43) Play a memory game with Kohaku- like a card game, or something.

44) Tell Kagome that Kikyo is marrying InuYasha.

44a) Tell Kikyo that Kagome is marrying InuYasha.

44b) Watch catfight ensue.

44c) Tell Miroku about said catfight.

44d) Tell Sango that Miroku is watching said catfight.

44e) Watch ensuing hilariousness, you evil genius, you.

45) Put a flea collar on InuYasha.

45a) Same thing, except with Sesshomaru.

45b) Then, you should probably run, because it is likely that killing you, the doer of this horrendous deed, will be the motivation that makes these two brothers work together for the first time in recorded history.

46) Enchant Miroku, so that every time he hits on a girl, his nose grows. Like Pinocchio, for perverts.

46a) Inform Sango of this.

47) Ask Sesshomaru what he uses to keep his hair so silky and smooth. L'Oreal. Because he's worth it.

48) Suggest that Yura of the Hair donates to Locks of Love.

49) Put Miroku, Shigure from Furuba, and Jiraya from Naruto in the same room.

50) Laugh hysterically at any mention of moth demons, butterfly demons, or anything similar to said demons.

50a) Then run.

50b) Because, apparently, they don't appreciate a good sense of humor.

51) Throw stuff at EVERYONE!!!

51a) Granted, this would be funny, even if it _wasn't _InuYasha.

51b) But let's just stick to InuYasha, shall we?


End file.
